Have you ever been in a church service and the whole time the pastor is speaking, you are thinking...'is he talking directly to me?' How did he get in my head?'
Well, that very thing happened to me today in church. It actually all started this past week. I started feeling this small conviction about relationships and how I was in a place of being lousy with them. God was talking to me all week long about this.
I am going to be totally open and honest and say that I have been purposely avoiding relationships with people this whole summer. My reason is stupid but, to me at the time felt necessary. I felt as though if I had anything else on my plate that my head would explode. Even if that meant meeting someone for lunch. Things that should've been fun to me seemed like a chore, just one more thing I had to pile onto the schedule, so I made a bad choice and decided to become a hermit and shut people out. It became about me and what I needed and at the time I felt I needed to be left alone. So wrong.
So all week long God kept showing me where I hadn't been the greatest friend to people. Just in my mind one excuse after the next played in my head. Not only had I put my relationship with people on the back burner, I also put my relationship with God on the back burner. I stopped spending as much time talking with Him and reading. And in the back of my head thought...well, He knows how busy we are right now so it's ok and He still loves me. That is so true..He does know how busy we are and He does still love me, but I started to feel empty. I started feeling rejected from people and felt a longing for God's presence and for my Godly friends. I missed it so much!
So God had already been tugging at my heart and softening it all week....I think to prepare me for the message Keith had today.
Worship time was AMAZING! God immediately showed up. I can't even tell you how awesome it felt to be in His presence like that again. It was so awesome! I tend to cry when God's presence falls and often times can't quit crying. That is how it was today. Cried all through worship and didn't want it to end.
So then Keith gets up and starts talking about relationships and the importance of relationships in our lives. One of the things he said was isn't it sad when Christians today are viewed as judmental people always looking down on others judging them and being legalistic about everything, And not viewed as people who love. The way Christians are viewed by most of the world is the total opposite of what Jesus stands for. That's because there is lack of relationship with people. Out of relationship love is birthed. WOW! REVELATION! I don't want to stand for that!
He also said something along the lines if you don't know this, you don't really know God. OH NO! Talk about conviction! God had been trying to tell me this all week. Not only do I need relationships in my life, I need to be engaging other people relationally and loving them where they are. I could really go on, but this blog is already long.
I just want to say that I want to love like Jesus loves. I am not even close to being there yet, but I want to be there! I am sorry to any of you friends I have blown off. It's not you...it was me!
This is something I have struggled with for a while..feeling overwhelmed, and this is something I know I will still struggle with, but now God has shown me what He desires for me, and that is to be relational. We can't be the light of the world He has called us to be if we are always avoiding relationships and hiding in our own little world...our little safe places. I am working on tearing down my walls. Friends of mine.... please know that I am working on it and God is doing his thing and forgive me if I haven't been the best of friend to you. I see it now!