Although my little Aubrey is super super busy, she is also the sweetest little person in the entire world. This morning at about six o'clock, she and Alyssa both came and crawled in bed with me. I was laying on my side and I felt this tiny little hand start to rub my face. Then she started to very gently rub my lips with her finger. My eyes were shut and I was thinking to myself how sweet is this! Then I feel little bitty lips touch mine and she whispered..."I wuv oo." It really can't get any sweeter or better than that! This was the second time she had said I love you to me first. So I know she knows what it means now. She LOVES to cuddle and kiss more than any child I have ever known. We will be laying in bed and she will grab my face and bear hug it and fall to sleep that way. Of course I have a hard time breathing, but it's just so precious I try to endure. She also can say her full name now, which is so very sweet.."Auby Fayf, Weez"...Aubrey Faith Reeves. So busy, but so much fun! I have my hard days, but being a mom is the most wonderful and most fulfilling thing I have ever been given the priviledge to do. I am thankful everyday that God gave me the family he did! I love my sweet sweet husband and my precious girls so very much!
What's the matter? That's the question I have been asking myself lately. Summers come and farming starts and Aaron and I always get disconnected from each other, from the Lord and from people, which is not what we want, but by now things are usually coming together again, but not this year. This is the first time we have actually questioned whether or not the Lord even wants us to farm. There has to be a better balance. We HAVE to do it in a way that is honoring to Jesus or it just won't work. We feel that more than ever now. I think our focuses have to change. For me lately I have been on this slim 4 life diet and have been so very self focused, trying to reach my goal weight. God has given me discipline with my eating, but I need discipline in other areas of my life now. I focus all my energy in losing weight and in my girls. Focusing my energy in my girls is a good thing, but I still need a balance of other things. My first ministry in life is with my husband and then my children. I can't be a great parent if I'm not a great wife first, and I can't be a great wife if I'm not connected with Jesus. I really want to model that for my girls. I have just been on edge lately, and I know that it's because my relationship isn't right with God right now. Really ever since New Rivers split up things haven't been the same for us. We aren't in a home team, we have no accountability, we're not involved in any outside ministries. We so desperately need that, and it's time to get plugged back in somehow. I can feel God tugging at my heart pulling me back towards Him. Why do I keep resisting? I can name all the excuses...too busy, not wanting to commit, have too much on my plate, don't want to feel overwhelmed, can't fit anything else in, don't feel like I am in a place to lead anyone right now, don't want to burden anyone by reaching out to them for help, don't fit in, feel uncomfortable talking to people....all stupid excuses that come from the enemy. Please Lord may your voice be louder than his. Really I don't want to hold my husband back either. I feel like I do this in ministry a lot. Such an amazing heart Aaron has! He genuinely loves the Lord and cares for others, and I hold him back. The truth hurts, but that's it. It all comes down to fear. Fear of adding new things in life, fear of making the wrong move, fear of letting people down, fear of my husband taking off in ministry without me. I will be in church and feel so very moved and inspired by a message, and I will be thinking of all the things I can do to get involved and make a difference. Then I go home, and it all kind of fades away and gets pushed down with my daily to-dos. Please Lord pull me out. I want to see your face. I want to live my life for you, because you are ALL that matters. You gave me this life, chose me, and adopted me as your daughter and I want to honor you. I want to live bringing glory to you. Draw me near and hold me tight. I need a big hug from you. I keep thinking of the time I first came to know you. I always think of how I felt....so very full of joy. I describe it as being in a protective euphoric bubble. Everything was fresh and looked new and people were beautiful, your creation was miraculous to me. That's because I had your eyes. Give me your eyes again. Help me to see the world through your eyes. Give me your heart Lord.
Aubrey somehow got on our computer and started pushing buttons and severely messed up our computer...so for the last 2 weeks we have been without a computer and I haven't had any source of communication with the internet world, which has been good, but I have also missed it. $300.00 later I am back and a little less addicted to facebook. Aaron thinks it was a God thing that we were without it for 2 weeks. It was a forced fast from the computer that we both really needed. Also for the past 2 weeks, Aubrey has become a little more difficult to handle. She is soooo very independent and wants to do everything herself. She is starting to REALLY test her boundaries what seems to be every 2 minutes she is awake. There are times when I want to cry and I have definitely needed some alone time a little more often. Alone time right now isn't a luxury anymore, it is a must if I want to keep my sanity. To say that she is busy would be an understatement. She isn't a bad girl, she is just so very busy and into EVERTHING. I think the newest of her talents these past 2 weeks has made my life a lot harder. She has learned to move the chair over to where she wants something. She will scoot the chair where she wants to go and use it as a ladder to get her to where it is she desires to go at that time.....the kitchen sink or bathroom sink and then proceeds to either eat lipgloss, or toothpaste, or she also enjoys trying on mascara for lipstick or dumping soap out all over her hands. It is a constant battle to keep her off the chair and off the countertops and kitchen table....I MEAN CONSTANT BATTLE....no breaks. She gets in trouble in one spot and then moves onto the next. She has this incredible talent of being mischievious and super sweet at the same time. I will be headed towards her to punish her and she will poke out her lips for a kiss and say "I love you," which immediately softens my heart. She knows exactly what she is doing...little stinker :) Here lately I have noticed that she understands pretty much everything I am saying. So when she got in trouble the other day I was explaining to her why she was in trouble. She started crying and I told her you have to be a good listener to momma, and be obedient. She stopped crying and I said are you a good girl? and she said "Uh-huh." I asked her 'Are you going to be obedient now?' and she said "I bedient." She totally knows what she is doing and what she shouldn't be, she is just seeing what she can get by with. It's all a matter of me and Aaron being consistent. Oh my goodness....this is only the beginning :)