Sunday, January 10, 2010

So small but so big

Tonight we had a corporate gathering at church. We do it every now and again asside from the regular service. Sometimes it's informational, and it's also a time to go deeper.....deeper worship and more opportunities to dig deeper with the Lord. Tonight I was having a hard time during worship just "going there." I was singing the words, but my mind was racing in all directions. Then there was a part where the worship team started singing" You reign on high. You reign on high," over and over again. All I kept thinking was, ' Lord I just want to focus on you right now.' So I closed my eyes and invisioned myself singing to Him in heaven. I was picturing Him physically sitting up on His beautiful throne in all His glory in a solid white room. I pictured Him holding a golden staff, wearing a white robe, with flowing white hair and a long beard. I do this often just to try to invision just me and Him in a room together and me worshipping Him. This time was so different. My vision kept leaping to another vision of another version of Jesus standing in front of me wearing blue jeans and a plaid button up shirt with brown shaggy hair and a scruffy beard. In this vision He was excited and jumping up and down and clapping His hands and dancing in front of me while I sang for Him. At first I didn't get it. I closed my eyes tight again as I sang the words " You reign on high," and I tried to picture Him sitting up on His throne smiling at me while I sing for Him. As quickly as I tried to picture that thought again the other more scruffy looking Jesus was in front of me again.....dancing and clapping, full of joy and excitement, cheering me on. As my eyes were still shut I sort of made a whincing face and thought to myself 'what is this?' And then He whispered as clear as day to me...."THIS IS ME, STACE. THIS IS ME DANCING WITH YOU WHILE YOU SING FOR ME. THIS IS ME BEING SO EXCITED WHEN YOU COME TO WORSHIP ME. NOTHING MAKES MY HEART HAPPIER THAN TO SEE YOU SINGING AND WORSHIPPING ME." Wow! I was so surprised. I am still shaking even now as I type this one out. It was just so sweet!!!!! Of course immediately the tears started to stream down my face and I was overwhelmed with the REALITY of who my true Jesus was.
My husband had just had an amazing encounter with the Lord just 2 nights before. You know how you hear a lot of people refer to God as " Father" and sometimes you hear "Daddy." Well, "Daddy" has always been difficult for Aaron to call God. He could call Him Father all day long, but Daddy just seemed awkward. So he was worshipping God the other night alone and God gave him a revelation on what "Daddy" was all about. Anyways, the next day Aaron was sharing this with me and I was glad for him that God showed him this, but I still didn't quite get it and understand and grasp it either. Well...I guess you could say that I mentally understood it, but my heart didn't get it and it was still awkward for me as well. Tonight as God was showing Himself to me in a whole new light, He also told me that He wanted to be involved in my life. He didn't want to just watch and be proud from His throne. He wanted to encourage me and cheer for me and show me that He loved and appreciated me.
I thought to myself in that moment that I kind of got a better grasp of the daddy thing a little better. I still don't totally have a grasp of it, but I'm getting closer, and it excites me to no end to know that He is trying to show Aaron and I the same thing....His amazing and unconditional love that He has for us. It was just so very very sweet of Him to do that for me. It was really good for my heart. I struggle a lot with feeling like I need to be perfect for the Lord before He can use me. I think Aaron struggles with that sometimes too, but here lately He has been showing us that He wants to use us in our weaknesses. I was thinking tonight 'how terrible...I can't even clear my mind and focus on God just for 20 minutes of worship. How on earth would God speak to me or through me being so spiritually blah as I am right now'......and He goes and shows up like this. It was a small vision but had HUGE meaning and meant the world to me. It just reminded me of what a loving, personal and so very gentle, precious and sweet and thoughtful God we serve. Thank you Jesus for loving ME, Stacy from Wylie, enough to show yourself to me in such a wonderful way. I Love you and am truly grateful for this.

1 comment:

Keeping up with The Jones' said...

I love reading you blog. You write so good! Love you!