Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Just sad :( Warning...this post is a bit whiny and a big vent!

Well, since I haven't given any update since our son was officially declared our son by the Ethiopian government, I thought maybe I should give you all who are interested a follow up. To be honest things haven't been so wonderful! This part of the process has been hands down, the. absolute. hardest. part! I think it is definitely one of the hardest things, if not, the hardest thing I have had to endure in my entire adult life. I totally didn't expect this at all! I thought to myself {before we met him}, 'we have been waiting over a year-and-a-half, having to wait a little longer after the first trip won't be bad. I am use to this waiting thing!' Yeah right!
This, my friends, is a whole new ballgame. First of all, I did not expect all that the Lord had for me when we went to Ethiopia and met our Josiah Moti, not at all. I didn't have a clue how my heart would feel. So there was no way to prepare for leaving without him. It just plain hurts really bad! Imagine your own child or children, and having to leave them on the other side of the world...same exact thing! Another part is that nobody gets it!!! Unless they have been in your shoes with adoption, and prayed for, and fought for, and traveled half-way around the world for a child,and then had to leave him there, there is no understanding. You want to whine and cry on someone's shoulder, but you can't, because they don't get it! You feel like you have worn out your welcome in talking about him or Ethiopia, like people have heard enough about it, but you just can't keep your mouth shut, because it is on your mind 24/7! You are even timid to ask people to pray, because you fear they are sick of thinking about your life and praying for this over and over. But deep down you don't really care, because you know prayer is the only thing that you have right now, so you ask anyway! Helpless is a great word for it! There isn't a single thing you can do to make the process go any quicker. You just have to wait. In the meantime you get updates and pictures that only torture your heart more, but you can't wait until you get the next one!!!! You spend your days wanting to pray, but not wanting to think too much about it, or you will start crying again and getting angry! It's emotionally exhausting! Also I am aware that there is some warfare. Satan is upping his ballgame here at the end, because he knows he is losing the battle. One of God's fatherless children now is about to have a forever family, and that makes him super angry! So watch out for all the arrows! Pray it up, and put on your armor daily!
In saying all that, there are some good things coming out of this tough wait! It is drawing our hearts closer to our son, because we are fighting to get him home daily with our prayers. And it is drawing our hearts closer to the Lord, because He is all we have to lean on and rely on right now...literally! There isn't anything more or less we could do!
I was thinking the other day about what we could take from this, and I felt like the Lord showed me that later, when someone else we know is walking in these shoes, we will know exactly how they feel, and we can be that extra support for them! He let's us walk through things and experience hurts and pains so that we will know, just as Jesus did! He came here and lived on Earth to experience our same hurts and pains, so He would know! Now we know! We DEFINITELY know!
One thing I would like to say is to anyone who thinks this is over-the-top, because it is a child we only met once and barely know. YOU ARE WRONG! Just because I didn't grow him in my tummy , doesn't mean that he isn't loved like our girls! That is exactly how our hearts feel! We love him as much as we love our girls! HE IS OURS, and we want him home, and being separated from him now, is heartbreaking literally!!!! The Lord had already declared a decree in heaven and in our hearts that he was our son, long before the Ethiopian governement officially declared it!
So please pray for this end of our journey, and pray for all the other families and children who are in the same boat as us!
We are now just waiting on his birth certificate to come in and for his paperwork to be submitted to the US Embassy. It has already taken longer for this part than usual. Please pray that the rest is quick and smooth, and no trouble!!!
Pray for our girls as they prepare to welcome their brother home. Aaron and I are trying to do our best to focus our time on them right now and pour into them before we leave for our next trip to Ethiopia! So we will be doing more fun things as a family until that time comes! Pray that we do a good job at including them and making them feel a part of this, and that they will be so excited to see their brother when he comes home!
To all the other families waiting! I love you and have a deep appreciation for what you are going through, whatever stage you are at! Keep on keeping on! Our kids are worth every bit of it! Prayers and hugs to you all!


Anonymous said...

From one mom who "gets it" to another...I know EXACTLY how you feel! This has been the longest 10 weeks of my life. Hours feel like days and days feel like months as we wait to receive the approval to bring our daughter home. I understand everything you said in your post, this is just plain hard! But, I constantly remind myself that our children are worth fighting for, crying for, praying for and waiting for. If we won't do it, who will? My Charlotte (and your precious Moti) deserve to be LOVED this much, and through God's perfect plan, now they are. I find comfort in that.

Still, the waiting is miserable and I hope it is over SOON, for all of us! Praying...

Peanut said...

We've been praying for you guys since I ordered our first t-shirts from you. Those prayers continue today. My heart aches for your family as you are separated from your son but you are right...he is SO worth it! Satan has been busy this week even trying to derail our journey but if we all stay the course God will prevail and be glorified in each story.

God, please wrap your loving arms around the Reeves family today and help them feel your peace. Please help the final steps of their journey happen quickly and amaze them with your provision. Thank you for giving them a heart to love the
orphans and for giving them the

courage to take this journey. May
your name be forever glorified
through their decision and grant
them peace beyond understanding.
Your name forever be praised, Amen

Haley said...

girl... i get it!! like you, i would say that the 4 months we waited between court & embassy were some of the hardest of my adult life. and it does make it harder that no one understands. people kept trying to tell me it was like waiting for a baby to come when you're pregnant and i had to just smie and nod so that i wouldn't go off on them on how much worse it is!! and i would know! :)

here's the good news: IT WILL END! all the aching, waiting, hoping, doubting, wondering, checking email furiously, and feeling like a crazy person because you can't stop thinking about it... it will all be a faded memory. your sweet son will be in your arms, and a whole new crazy adventure will begin. and i've shared about the not-so-fun-nor-easy parts of our journey, but i have to say -- even the hardest day WITH my son is 1000 times better than the best day without him!!

keep on walking sister -- we are walking with you and praying for you!

John and Tara Dunn said...

I feel like you just read my mind in this entire post. "You spend your days wanting to pray, but not wanting to think too much about it, or you will start crying again and getting angry!" Yes!!!!!!!!!!! So thankful to have families to walk through this with who really get it....even if we all are miles apart. Believing all of us coming together in prayer these next few WILL change things!!!

Courtney said...

Praying for you guys and that the process in Ethiopia will speed up and you will get all the approvals you need from the Embassy!!! I am sorry that this is a difficult season of waiting for you. May God give you an extra measure of patience and peace during this final leg of the journey.

lesli said...

praying for you right now. we waited 13 weeks between court and embassy and i think you summed up our emotional rollercoaster exactly right. i am so sorry. it's not easy and the waiting downright stinks. i'm praying against discouragement for you all and protection from the devil's work. blessings to you all and your sweet moti.

Jenn said...

Wow!! I know how you feel - your words echo how my heart feels right now!!! We are waiting to hear back from Embassy on when to travel and it is so hard. Leaving our daughter in ET after meeting her was by far the hardest part of this journey. And you are 100% right about the attcks from the devil being amped up near the end - so true! He kicks hardest when he knows he is not going to win. Your words were a great help to me today!! I will keep you in my prayers!! You will reach the adoption finish line soon!!