Have you ever had a small dream that you have kind of always wanted to do, but were a little bit of a chicken to do it? Well I have, and today I took a small step towards that little dream of mine. You see, I really enjoy fitness. I love it! I am in the gym 5 days a week, and I find nutrition and the way the body works, and how it responds to certain foods fascinating. It's just interesting to me. I am passionate about keeping my body fit the healthy way. If I ever went back to school, I would focus on nutrition classes. Just a little background about me. I am not at all a skinny girl. In fact, even though I am physically in the best shape of my life (heart fitness wise) you probably wouldn't guess by the looks of me that I work hard in the gym 5 days a week. I guess you could call me "curvy" lol! But underneath all my soft curves, I know I have got lots of muscle and a strong heart hehe ;) I have had to always work my hardest to look MY best. Let me reiterate that...MY BEST! When I was a teenager I felt the pressure to be beautiful, and to be thin. I took diet pills, and from a very early age (6th grade), struggled with an eating disorder. In my walk with the Lord, I have been able to overcome those things. When I had Alyssa, my first daughter, I knew it wasn't something I wanted to pass onto her. The Lord really highlighted for me that it was a spiritual battle, a stronghold that Satan holds over many women, and that was something I could have passed down to my children. So of course, I broke it off. I didn't want my girls struggling the same tortuous way I had. I won't lie to you, it still can be battle. Satan loves to rehash old feelings and emotions and temptations and tries to bring it back up again. I will sometimes get envious of the woman with the flat stomach and tiny waist. But instead of staying in that place of jealousy, now I can recognize it for what it is and stop it before it gets too bad. I refuse to entertain that anymore. Now my strength and knowledge comes from the Lord, and with that I can overcome anything. It took me a long time to get here, and even though in my bad moments I can still get down on myself, I have come to grips finally in my adulthood that I am who I am. This is the way God made me, and I want to be the best I can be. Not like the girl next to me, just me. God has taught me a lot in the past 6 years (since I had my children, and my body has drastically changed) what beauty is to Him. I have been able to see myself for the first time through His eyes. And I do thank Him 'for I am beautifully and wonderfully made.' I think all my past struggles has led me to being passionate about fitness and taking care of this one and only body the Lord has blessed me with the healthy way.
So back to my small dream. For about 3-4 years now I have wanted to teach a class at the gym, but I have been such a chicken. I don't like to be the center of attention. I would rather stay in the back of the room where no one notices me, but for some reason, I wanted to teach a class, and that want never went away. Maybe God wanted an average-sized girl up front for all the other average-sized girls who are working their hardest everyday. You know...a girl who understands. Or maybe he just wanted to push me out of my comfort zone and encourage me to do something uncomfortable. He likes to do that ya know...it's called growth! Who knows, but for years I have let lies stop me. I had all these little fears rise up....'what if they don't take you seriously because you don't look like Gillian,' or 'what if you get up there and forget what you are suppose to do,' or 'I can't talk and workout at the same time. How am I going to lead without talking?' lol! You know and I know those voices of doubt and fear are from the enemy, so I FINALLY stopped listening to that and took a baby step today. I made a surprise cameo appearance during my morning spin class! I DID IT!!!! For just one song, I led the class full force. I did a racing song where we did standing sprints to "Whip It" by little Willow Smith.(I love that song) With my heart pounding and my body running on adrenaline, I think I led strong. I even whipped my hair back and forth a couple times...hahaha! It went by fast and it was fun! So today marks a milestone of a first for me and a realization of a small dream and goal of mine....a day of overcoming! Before you know it, I will be leading my own class. I feel good! Another little dream of mine would be to sing in the middle of a charismatic dancing choir, fully robed with a tambourine in hand, like on 'Sister Act'..hahaha! I would totally love that! Who knows...maybe one day :)