We're in Kona. It's week 2 and so much has already happened!

We made it to Kona, and are two weeks into our discipleship training school and all I can say is that this is so much more than I could've ever dreamed up.  We, Aaron and I and our children needed this so much more than we ever knew.  Our days are SO busy.  We wake up early, drop our girls off at school, drop Josiah off with his nanny and head to class at 8:00 am.  We have class from 8-12, prayer room from 1-3 and then Wednesdays we have community outreach/service, and Monday and Thursday nights are filled with ministry time in the prayer room and community night as well.  We are so tired and ready for bed by 9:00 most nights because it's really nonstop.  Thankfully they have grace over families, or else I might pass out from exhaustion.  But just to clarify, it's a good exhaustion.  It is SO good here.  Being in the presence of the holy spirit on a regular basis and being surrounded by young people who are so in love and hungry to learn more about Jesus is SO good!  I didn't realize how asleep I was in the spirit until God started to awaken me here.  And this place is so anointed with  His presence that it didn't take long to realize it.   Last week was eye opening to how we were missing the basics of knowing how to share the gospel.  We make it so hard and let things like being passive or afraid of what others might think of us, or fear of being rejected  keep us from sharing it.  It's so simple and we make it so difficult in our minds.  So it was stretching, but amazing as our leaders put us on the spot and had us stand up and pretend the person in front of us didn't know Jesus and we shared the gospel with them.  It really showed us how lacking we were in basic knowledge of the simple gospel.
I know it's hard to say that week 2 was my favorite week, because it's only week 2 now, but I think it will remain my favorite, because this week was a week of being set free of past hurts and words people spoke over us.  This week was Pure Heart week.  It was the most powerful teaching on inner healing I have been a part of  in my Christian walk.  We watched as chains fell off of people's hearts.  Wounds that they didn't even know they were carrying were being healed.  Words do not do this teaching justice.  Every church should have Tom and Donna Cole come do a Pure Heart seminar and the body of Christ would be transformed.  It is SO POWERFUL! Aaron and I had lots of deep rooted hurts uprooted this week. We have gone through many inner healing ministry times in our marriage, but this one has been the most powerful by far.    And in turn, we have been hearing God speak so much more clearly now.  Amazing how that works.  The more junk you get healed from, or the more you become free of Satan's lies that you have believed for so long about yourself, the more you hear God's voice.  You don't have all those lies floating around anymore, so you can hear TRUTH!  Man! It's such good stuff!
One big revelation I got today happened while we were in the prayer room.  We were asking God to give us a bigger revelation of His heart for the lost. He spoke so clearly and I thought to myself "Oh my gosh, why didn't I get this before!!!??" I prayed, ' God, I need your heart for the lost.  Give me a bigger revelation of your heart for those who don't know you.' He answered me and said,"Do you remember how you felt when I broke your heart for orphans? Do you remember crying and crying and your heart breaking for children with no mother or father? Do you remember feeling like your heart was going to explode when you were so broken and so desperate to bring your son home?  Your heart ached until he was home with you."  He said, "that is how I feel about all my children who haven't been adopted into my kingdom yet. " They are all orphans in spirit, and I long to bring them home to me, to be their Father. "  He told me that the spirit of adoption needed to be poured out on all followers of Jesus, so they would understand His heart for those who are spiritually orphaned.  Later He also told me, " Do you remember when you were contacting your congressman, and Senators to help bring Josiah home, and you were so frustrated because you knew that they knew what was going on, but they didn't do anything to help bring him home?"  'Yes, Lord!  I was so frustrated and angry at their passivity.'   He said, "That is how I feel when my followers don't do anything about my children who are spiritually orphaned."  WOW!  In a nutshell the Lord showed me why He allowed us to suffer during our adoption.  It was an utterly agonizing time in our life.  Gut wrenching to the core everyday, until our son was home.  At the time I didn't understand why He was allowing us to go through that,  but now I am so thankful that God used that experience to bring such profound revelation of His heart for the lost.    This is only week 2.  I can't wait to see what week 3 will bring!

We are doing this thing!

 

All 3 families from Texas shipped out all our belongings to Kona last night! 

It should be there shortly after we arrive :)  (prayers)

              WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS THING, Y'ALL!
On a really cool God side note, another family will be caravanning with us from Texas to Cali, to Kona!  That's a total of 24 of us leaving here and road tripping our way to Kona! We will go from Dallas, to Albuquerque, to the Grand Canyon, to Cali, and then fly out from there.  The Wilkins family found us through this blog, and  joined the Fire and Fragrance DTS.....CRAZY!  What's even crazier??? They are from CANADA but happen to be spending Christmas with their family here in the DFW area.  They booked the same flight as us, and will be joining us on our road trip.  It's so wild how God connected our families through modern technology.  We met on the blog and then all 4 families have been communicating through facebook.  This is going to be an adventure for sure with 16 out of the 24 of us being children :)  Our caravan leaves December 27th.  Please keep praying for us!

Candy time 2013!

I am late at posting these, but wanted to show my cute littles off!

An Important Day to Acknowledge An Important Issue!

Today is such an important day to acknowledge.  Not only is it a celebration of the lives of children who use to be orphaned and their lives are now redeemed by God and set in families,  but it's also a day to educate everyone on the huge world-wide orphan crisis that is ever- so- real. May we not see videos like the one below and shed a few tears, and then forget about all the children out there who need someone to step up and be a difference in their lives.  May our hearts be moved to action.  I remember as vivid as it were yesterday, almost 4 years ago, when I was worshipping at my friend Alicia's house with a group of ladies, and singing the song "Hosanna" sung by Brook Frasier( Hillsong). I had sung it a hundred times but this time was different.  I cried out the words to Jesus "Fill my heart and make me clean, open up my eyes to the things unseen, show me how to love like you, have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I am for your kingdom's cause.  As I walk from earth into eternity." This time I was singing it with my whole heart.  I meant it, and  I wanted His heart and to be more like Him, and care about the things  He cares about. His presence fell on me, and I started sobbing.  One of those ugly cries where I couldn't stop. And my heart broke.  From that day on, every time I heard that song, I would sob and cry out "Break my heart for what breaks yours"  with all that I had.  And you know what? He did.  My eyes were really opened for the first time.  I knew about orphans, but from a distance.  I cared enough to feel sad, during a "save the children commercial."  But I remember turning the channel quickly because I didn't want to feel sad, and then  I would forget about it.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Can any of you relate to that?   But then when I started crying out to Jesus to give me more of His heart, it became very real to me.  He broke my heart for the orphan and the fatherless just as His is breaking.  He answered my cries to Him during that song.  My heart broke so much that it was moved to action.  I was a crying mess from then on until the day we brought JoMo home from Ethiopia, and what a blessing that little boy is to our whole family!  That song to this day, still gets me.  I know God FOREVER changed my heart and opened my eyes that day through that song, and I am so grateful He did.  If your church doesn't acknowledge National Orphan Sunday, step up and make them aware. Start the tradition of acknowledging it every year by dedicating a service to bring awareness. It's such an important issue on God's heart. Be the change for at least one or more orphans in this world.  If God can use our family, trust me, He can surely use yours, or you ;)

Much to be Shared!

SO MUCH has happened with our journey to YWAM it's just crazy!  First off I would like to start off by saying that while we were in Kona visiting, we felt like the Lord said a third family would be coming with us and the Cottles.  I sensed it while we were there, Misty sensed it as well, and then to confirm our suspicions, a friend at church one Sunday morning informed us as he was praying for our families, the Lord had given him a vision of a third family from our church in Kona with us.  He said he saw us all gathered around a table in fellowship and full of joy and he clearly saw who the family was.  When I asked who it was, he said he wasn't suppose to tell me that part, that God would do His thing.  Well, of course for a while Misty and I tried to figure out who the third family was, but never did.  As months went on and it grew closer to leaving time, I honestly thought, 'well, I guess there won't be a third family.  Maybe we heard wrong.' Then BOOM again, so all of a sudden.  It was clear as day to this wonderful third family and to us that they were suppose to be with us in Kona.  So here we have it 3 (the number of completion) families going to DTS in just 9 weeks now!!!!

Ecclesiastes 4:12

New International Version (NIV)

¹² Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

 

Meet our newest family traveling with us on this amazing ride: We are so blessed to be in this with The amazingly servant-hearted Shocklee Family!

Backing up again while we were in YWAM, Kona.  Our first day in the prayer room, this precious young girl comes over and starts praying over Misty and myself.  Then she starts prophesying and telling us that she sensed  the Lord was saying that we did not have to worry about money at all and the journey He had set before us was already provided for.  The finances are there.  She said it would be effortless and her words were "Like you will be on an elevator and a stranger will write you a check."  I was thinking.."I receive that word Jesus, Amen!" HA! Others praying over us at home also gave us that same word, so we received it.

So here we are 9 weeks out until we leave and we're raffling IPADS and Canon Rebels and selling and stacking firewood, and the money is coming in..... in trickles.  Now there are 3 families here, a total of 19 of us, who don't have a ton of extra money laying around, so we knew God was going to have to come through in a big way for our DTS and outreach for all of us, because to be honest, it's really expensive to take your whole family to a school and then a 3- month outreach.  Even though we knew He would, and He really does like to surprise us at the last moment, (and we know that) we were starting to sweat it.  9 weeks out and we weren't even close to having what we needed to go.  Then BOOM!  Out of nowhere again, God surprises us. 

I mentioned above we were selling firewood.  Well, someone my mother-in-law knows heard of us selling firewood and what it was for and offered us a HUGE, GIGANTIC donation (fun jewelry) from a very large and well known retail chain in our area to sell to raise money!  You guys, IT. IS. RIDICULOUS!  We could open a store with the amount merchandise that was donated.  And it is such fun stuff!  Great stuff!  So we have all this stuff (CRAZY AMOUNT OF STUFF) and in our minds we knew since God provided this, He will provide an avenue to sell it.  A couple nights later I decided I did not want to cook and I randomly felt like Steak Kountry.  It's a great little small chain restaurant, but we rarely go there. It was a random choice. We were sitting eating our dinner and a couple from church walks in and comes to our table and says,"Hey, how is all your fundraising going for YWAM?" We told them about our donation and the husband says, "Hey I have a meeting with a man tomorrow morning and he happens to have a booth in Canton  First Monday Trade Days, do you want me to ask if he can hook you guys up?  UM, Seriously!  YES!!!!!! So today, we got the number and... WE.ARE.GOING.TO.HAVE.A.BOOTH.AT.CANTON.TRADE DAYS!!! For those reading this, that don't know what Canton First Monday Trade Days is, google it...it's huge!  It is rated as one of the top 3 Trade Days in  the US and one of the top 100 best events to attend, and people from all over the US travel on down to little Canton just to go shopping there!  AND......November and December are the busiest Canton months of the year!!!  AMAZING!  We didn't go asking for this blessing or looking for it, God just laid it right before us and gave us an amazing venue to sell it as well.  He is so amazing like that!  The other night during our meeting, Misty said it so perfectly, she said something along the lines of, "You know, to the rest of the world, we are crazy. "  What she was getting at is when you tell people you are packing up your big families and dropping your jobs and your life for a 6 month season, people tend to think that is irresponsible.  Some Christians may think, (and I've heard it,) "Wow! I'm so jealous,  I wish we could do something like that."  Well Then Misty went on to add that our donation is just mind blowing, and the timing and venue can only be God. CAN ONLY BE GOD! She said she felt like the Lord was going to use we three families as forerunners to show other FAMILIES that they to can go when God calls them somewhere.  Not just young adults right out of high school or retired couples with no strings attached.   No matter the cost or how impossible it may seem, HE WILL MAKE A WAY and blow you away with how He does it, just as He is doing with us! He just wants you  to trust Him enough to say YES to what He asks of you.

Matthew 19:26

New International Version (NIV)

²⁶ Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

During an exciting time where God is calling His church to rise up, Let this verse ring true in your heart when you hear God call YOU!  Because Jesus meant it when He spoke it, and even though your story will be different than ours, we are living proof that He meant it.

If you live near Canton or are planning a little trip over this next weekend, come find us.  We don't know our exact location yet, but we are on the main side.  And we are going to be handing out fliers telling where we will be, so keep an eye out for our fliers.  Come get the best deal you wouldn't find anywhere else on some super fun jewelry, and say hi to us! We would love to see you and pray with you.  GOD IS SO GOOD, AND SO MUCH FUN!

Happy 1st and 2nd Birthday!

I remember last year as we were waiting to bring home JoMo.  He was suppose to come home some time at the beginning of September, but with all the potholes we hit, he didn't come home until January.  JoMo's birthday is the 2nd weekend of September, and I remember being so sad and mourning when we missed celebrating his 1st birthday with him.  So this year when that special day rolled around we decided to do it up right, and celebrate our guy in a big way.  We threw him a "Monster 1st and 2nd birthday party", complete with smash cake and all.  Funny the difference in a 2 year-old and a 1 year- old with a smash cake.  Our little proper guy wouldn't dig into his smash cake until he was given a fork. LOL!
We had the party at my brother's house.  The kids swam and played hard.  Hot dogs, and doro wot with injera were served, along with the best cake on the planet with ice cream.  My friend Ginger made the glorious Monster cake.  It was layered, rice crispy treats, strawberry cake, chocolate cake, and then vanilla cake, with strawberry filling and cream cheese icing.  It was big enough to serve 75 people, and although we didn't have nearly that many people at the party, everyone managed to nearly finish this cake off.  BEST CAKE EVER!
I had so many people tell me that God will make up for the lost time we missed out on with JoMo. And although I have found this to be true in many ways, I still get sad when I think about some lost moments. We can't dwell on lost time, but instead celebrate this life we get to cherish all the days to come. So to my little man.... I am so blessed to be able to call you my son, and celebrate every birthday of yours between now and eternity. Love you to pieces my sweet, funny, happy, smart, and handsome little 2 year old!

We've Come a Long Way Baby!

 No amount of adoption training in the world could've prepared me for the reality of bringing a once-orphaned child into our home.  To be honest, it's hard.  Adoption is hard all the way around.  The long drawn out process and the hurting heart to bring that little person home, you already so strongly love, felt almost impossible on some days to get through.  Our days were filled with constant stress, and at times hopelessness.  Towards the end when we received our RFE for our son, I am sure I wasn't anyone's favorite person to be around ever.  I am certain I pushed most of my friends and family away with my never ending conversations about our process.  I couldn't help it! My son, whom I loved was over there and I was here, missing his first birthday and watching him grow up in pictures while he sat in an institution.  I was a whining mess of deep pain and sadness and no one could relate unless they had walked it, so at times I felt super alone.    It was the most intense thing I think I had ever experienced.
Then finally that long-awaited day came.  We were cleared to go get our boy!  All the sweat, and tears, and prayers, and fighting to bring him home had paid off and we were on our way to get him.  I envisioned rocking him, and holding and singing to him, and being the mom that he never had for so long.  I wanted to fill that void  he had been missing his whole life.  This was my calling, my destiny!  I knew without a doubt the Lord had gifted me the privilege of calling His beloved one my son, and I knew JoMo would love me.  After all, I'm a full-time mom.  I do it for a living!  It's what I was made for!  I'm not talented in anyway, but I'm a great mom!  I am a nurturer's nurturer when it comes to my kiddos.   This I knew I was good at, and I knew this boy would absolutely adore me.  I couldn't have been more WRONG!  Imagine my shock when I realized he didn't like me. He didn't want me to hold him or get too close.  He wasn't hungry for cuddles or kisses or nurturing.  He was hungry for the attention and playfulness of a dad.  He clung onto Aaron quickly. And the harder I tried, the more he didn't want me.  OUCH!  My mom ego was a bit crushed.  I felt rejected by this dear one I had fought so hard to bring home. Once home, I very quickly realized that life the way I had envisioned with JoMo home was going to look a lot different and be more difficult than I had anticipated. 
The first month wasn't too bad, JoMo was forced to tolerate me when dad had to return to work.  Little by little we had progress in attaching, and I could tell he was starting to like me.  He started looking forward to our cuddle times in the rocking chair and loved for me to sing songs to him.  Then around month 2, the newness wore off and JoMo started testing us like we had never been tested before.  Someone explained to me in the midst of his controlling behavior that he was "acting out of grief and loss." Hmmmmm... something you wouldn't think an 18-month old would deal with, but they totally do.  He was grieving the loss of the only life he had ever known, and he didn't know what to do with himself, except take it out on mommy with some extreme behavior.  The way our agency explained it, is that he had felt like he had lost total control of his life.  Everything had changed for him drastically, and he didn't know how to deal with it, but what he did know, was that he could control his behavior, and for a while, he could control me and Aaron with his behaviors.  For some time, we weren't sure how to deal with it.   We felt torn on how to respond to him.  It was a little tricky knowing whether we should hug him because of his grief or discipline him in fear of behaviors getting worse. We let him act out a lot, until it kept escalating and he kept pushing his limits further and further.  When the behaviors started controlling our house, was when we decided it was time to start disciplining and teaching him he couldn't push any further before it spiraled totally out of control.   And let's just say, he did not like the word "no" and leave it at that.  His little "time out/in" chair was being wore plum out.   Like I said before, no amount of adoption training had prepared me for this.  Even though I was a seasoned mom, this was different.  He had sadly learned the skill of manipulating his behaviors to get what he wanted and this wasn't going to be a fun thing to try and undo.  Admittedly in the midst of the 1,000th screaming fit or biting episode of the hour , I would forget where these behaviors were coming from and I allowed frustration to creep in.  It wore on me.   Many days I felt I was at a loss. I begged Jesus to give me His heart and to HELP ME!   Since JoMo didn't like to be disciplined and I was the one home disciplining him all the time,  we went through another I-don't-like-this- woman phase and he would cling to total strangers (women) out in public who would ogle over him and give him any kind of positive attention.  I had to peel him off of strangers legs kicking and screaming while calling them,"momma" on more than one occasion.   IT WAS PAINFUL!  Anytime in public a woman would speak to him, I would almost get angry at this oblivious- to- adoptive- children's- attachment -issues woman and wanted to scream at her and tell her to back-off!  I seriously thought of having a t -shirt made for when I was grocery shopping that said,  "Please if you are a woman, don't make eye contact or speak to my son, attachment in process."  I just couldn't take feeling rejected by this boy I loved one more time.   At the end of my rope, you think?  I was!  It was a horrible and confusing feeling to love someone so much and not get that reciprocated and feel unattached to them.  So I built up a wall around my heart to protect me from getting hurt from all the rejection I had allowed in.  That wall of protection in the long run was leading me down the road of resentment and getting in the way of my attachment to him.  I found myself having cynical thoughts of "if you only knew" when people would compliment me on how sweet or cute he was.  I found myself being annoyed with God because I felt I had said yes and answered this calling He so clearly had called me to, and all I was getting through the whole process was hurt and pain.  I was even angry with Aaron because I felt he was reaping the benefits of being the favorite one, while I felt I was the one putting in all the work.  It wasn't fair!  Whaaa, whaaaa, whaaaa!  Poor me!  It had turned into being all about ME!  That wall was blocking my view of the bigger picture and vision the Lord had once placed before me.  The picture of redemption and mothering and loving a child who had no one.  The picture of heaven and how God loves and adopts us into His family.  A life focused on Jesus and others and not on myself.  How had I become like this?  It was ugly, and I didn't even recognize myself anymore.  Then came the guilt.  I started feeling like I had failed God in the calling, that He surely was disappointed in me, and that I was failing my son too, and he deserved a better mom.   Then on top of all this, God calls us to Kona, Hawaii to attend a discipleship training school with Youth With a Mission.  LORD JESUS! I can't handle anymore change right now!  I really just might totally lose it!  But He spoke so loud and clear on that one, if we didn't say yes, we totally would be being disobedient to God, and deep down, even though the thought of all we had to do to prepare to leave was overwhelming, in the midst of our attachment issues,  I didn't want to miss out on anything the Lord had for our family.  So we said yes!  To make a longer story shorter, for a while I stayed in a funk.   I don't know what did it, but one day we woke up different.  I think I had been told over and over that these feelings in the beginning with attachment were "normal, " and they are normal.  I had learned that 65% of adoptive moms struggle with post adoption depression, and I wasn't the exception.  I was hoping I would be, but I wasn't.  It is very typical to feel this way, and we are all sinners and fall short and none of us are perfect and we all mess up with raising our children from time to time.  The difference for me came when I realized that even though my struggles were typical it was still wrong.  I made the decision I wasn't going to stay there.  I didn't want to be the mom that still had attachment issues 2 years down the road from now.  No WAY!   God gifted me this boy and I wanted us to have a healthy mother/son relationship, and I knew that we would.   So that was my prayer everyday.  That God would supernaturally bond our hearts together....  mine to his and his to mine.    I made a choice.   I sent an email out to all the important women in our life (because it was women who we had trouble with JoMo wanting to go home with, not men) and asked them to please back off a bit until JoMo learned that I was his only mom.  JoMo had MANY moms in his short life, so it was so normal for him to go to any woman available to comfort him or for help of any kind.  In the orphanage, I am sure that if he didn't like the way one nanny responded, he could run to the next, and this is what he was doing with me ALL THE TIME.   I explained my reasons and just asked for them to please respect our request and be friendly at a distance.  I asked them not to kiss or hold or feed him, or be motherly to him in anyway.  And said no over-the-top doting or playfulness or going on and on about how cute and sweet he is to him. He devoured that kind of attention, and if he wasn't getting it, he sought it out using his uber-cute smile and charm to draw people to him.   I was the only woman that needed to be giving him that kind of attention for a while at least. Some didn't understand, and they thought I was overreacting, but at this point I really did not care what anyone thought.  I was in the thick of it everyday and knew that it was necessary, and not only necessary but crucial.  I wanted to do what had to be done to create a better environment for me and JoMo to connect.   It was the best thing I could've ever done!  We were at the hospital a couple weeks ago visiting our friends,  and this very sweet woman was talking to JoMo and going on with him. He grabbed her hand, brought her over to me, pointed and said,  "My Momma."  I nearly started crying right then.  Do you know how huge that moment was for me????  It was a moment that was 8 months in the making.  The other night I went out with some friends and Aaron put JoMo to bed instead of me and he woke up at midnight crying for me.  I walked in his room, he saw I was there, and then he was fine.  He just wanted to make sure I was there.  I think he missed me!  So I can finally say with confidence that although I didn't do things perfectly, I feel that we are both finally connecting on a healthy mother/son level.  He's always had my heart but I think now that I have his.   I  very well could've kept those walls up and never really felt connected to my child, or I could've taken the other road, which I did, and made the decision to open my heart back up. Even though it was painful and difficult at times, tearing down those walls so that my heart could be open and raw allowed God to work within me.  And you know what?  When my heart became open, JoMo's heart became open.  That's just how it works.  They respond to us.  So now after 8 months home, I feel we have found our new normal.   I have this amazing gift of a son from God who is a light everywhere he goes.  He is a living testimony of God's love and faithfulness every single day.  He is radiant with joy and just as content as could be, and he is thriving in our family.  Most of the time it feels like he has been here all along, and then the other half it hits me that I still can't believe he is finally home forever.  Our days still are not perfect and I am sure I mess up on a daily basis, and we still have many temper tantrums that come with a 2 year old, but they are more normal 2 year old tantrums now and not coming from a place of control or grief.  These past 2 years I feel like I have been thrown in the fire and reshaped and molded over and over, and let me tell you, it hurt!  But I know God allows us to walk through the fire and come out on the other side so that we can share what we have walked through to help others that may in the same boat.  So to all you newly adoptive parents out there that may find yourself in that place where I was,  keep asking the Lord for help.  Don't build a wall up with your child.  This road you said yes to is hard, and it's a day-to-day battle, but it's so worth it!  Your child is worth every tear.  Eventually your child will realize you are forever and not going anywhere and things will start to feel more "normal" (whatever that means ;)